"Feeling Stressed Out" - The "in thing"?

Recently I met a person. He was worried that his cell phone does not ring as much as his colleagues'. They keep getting calls from their subordinates asking what to do and narrating problem situations. This guy was not getting calls. I thought, "Hey, that's wonderful. Your team can work without you. You have proven yourself as a great team leader. You have created more leaders, by empowering them to take the decisions and solve the problems that are encountered. If I were in your place, I'd be thrilled".

Very common statements one would hear these days are, "I am stressed out. I have so much to do. I cannot afford a break. I have to put in late hours. I carry my laptop while travelling and have to work even at airports. I have to have a Blackberry. I need to constantly check my mails... and so on." These have become fashion statements and people who do not say these are considered to be unsuccessful. It is important here to define what is success.

If a person is able to make better individuals out of people who work for him/her, and his growth is along with the organisation's growth and he does not hinder the growth of his subordinates, at the same time loving and enjoying his work, without compromising his family life, is a truly successful person.

Emotional Independency

Is emotional independency good? If yes, to what extent?

For a child it is absolutely necessary (?) to be emotionally dependent on someone, preferably parents. But when a child grows up, does the Emotional Dependency (ED) have to reduce compulsorily or does it become so automatically? I am sure this must be different for each person and I believe a lot depends on the parents. If the parent(s) tend to be out of touch with the child in his/her initial years, then the extent of ED will be lower. In other words ED is directly proportional to the amount of time spent by the parent(s) or to that extent by any person with the child during his/her initial years - probably upto 10 years. After that, may be the peers take over.

But can the type of ED on friends be compared to that on parents? These may be two different types of EDs. ED on parents is more to satisfy physiological needs (more so till financially independent). ED on friends on the other hand, satisfies the social need of wanting to be accepted in the circles.

The Escape Route

Everybody has problems in life. Some may be small, some big. The smallness or bigness of the problem again is different for different individuals. A problem may be small for one person, but big for another. Again, it also depends on the situation. A problem may seem small in one situation for a person, but big for the same person under different circumstances. The essence of the 'size' of the problem is the coping strength. A person who finds the same problem as big essentially has higher coping strength than the latter.

Coping strategies can be internal as well as external. Individuals with poor coping strength rely more on external factors. Individuals using internal factors for coping with problems are obviously stronger. But what are the factors that determine the coping strength? - Upbringing, influencing factors during chilhood years, heredity or can it be developed at a later stage through conditioning? Maybe, an event triggered the fierce coping strength. But here, I seem to be confusing the cause - effect relationship.

External factors are easy to find and use and hence get attached to. But to some, relying on the inner strength comes more easily - why? I find it difficult to believe that it is a part of inherent personality. How can one explain that an incident can trigger one person to resort to an external factor like smoking to cope with a problem and another person looks internally to search for the strength factor that can help solve the problem at hand. It is even more surprising that the person relying on external factor reads, listens to a lot of spiritual and philosophical and religious books, discourses. Then how come, these have led him to believe that he can look for an outside 'support' (which is actually a negative support) which only increases the number of problems on hand, far from making any effort towards solving the problem. I call this the 'escape route' (the weakling way). Someone once told me that one way to solve a problem is to avoid it. That is another escape route - the coward way. Surprisingly, the person using her inner strength does not read any spiritual, religious or philosophical books. Then how come her inner strength helps her to tackle her problems, how come she is able to rely on her inner strength naturally.

Using inner strength definitely makes a person stronger, but does it essentially lead only to bitter feelings like they have for me, or can they lead to further increase in inner strength that can lead to developing positive energy? I must try this route so that in the process, I'll not only strengthen myself, but will also be able to help others with my positive energy - or so I think. I must channelise my thoughts towards developing positive energy.

The year 2005

2005 - A learning year

Self-learning

Detatched - take an outsider view
Brush-off
Self centered decisions
Better careerwise
Paid more attention to looks
'Independence' as the most important value
Became 'mother-friend' from 'mother'
More than half-way to financial independence

Learnt about others - their thoughts, their attitudes

OVERALL - Actually learnt how to enjoy MY LIFE